benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
