Me. At least after what I've been through.
I want to make a zoo with you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
