my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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