i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
