i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i've created a new STD.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
