Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
