is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
