i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
