my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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