oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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