I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
