I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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