Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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