Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
