I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
