Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
