it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
