We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
