this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
