My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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