Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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