actually, I'm a sock model
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
