remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
