MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
