guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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