You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
