did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
