I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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