I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
