i think my mom watched the whole time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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