return my video game
Only a mothe r could love this liver
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
