Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
