We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
a search helicopter?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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