I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
