Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
