Can Purell be used as lube?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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