we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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