so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
