i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
