You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
