I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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