I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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