you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
