I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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