Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
