im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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