Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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