I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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