Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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