can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize