last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
