She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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