If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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