Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
