You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
