I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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