I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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