omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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