butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
