i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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