Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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