I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
