Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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