New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
