went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
