the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
