Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
