i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
